2nd birth experience
This birth experience is different from the first in many ways.
C-section with epidural wasn’t new to me, I knew what to expect, what’s the process and all.
Some of the interesting incidents:
- The nurse had to extract a sample of my blood for matching, in case I bleed during the operation. 1st attempt by the staff nurse, she tried to extract blood from the back of my right hand. OUCH! It was painful, the flow of blood was slow, and in the end it wasn’t sufficient! I still have a bruise now. The nurse manager came to extract my blood again, this time taking it from my left elbow. This time it was much smoother, and no pain at all!
- At the operating theatre, I had to ask the nurse to apply more pressure on my legs as they were injecting the spinal block from the back. The nurse said, “Huh, but I got no strength”. The doctor quickly said that “aiyo, you didn’t eat breakfast ar? This mummy so calm, can advise you” 
The nurse also turned me on my back again too slowly, resulting in my left side feeling numb first before the right. I felt sensation back on my right side first post-operation.
- The effects of epidural was felt very immediately when the operation started. I felt nauseous but the doctor can’t give me anything to ease the effects prior to the delivery of the baby. This didn’t happen in the delivery of the twins.
- My cheeks were flushed with blood, the chest area felt a lot of pressure when they were trying to push the baby out. It was almost as though I was pushing the baby out together with everyone. In no time, the baby was out! Had more time with her as well, they put her on my chest so that we could look at her and take some pics.
- Hubby was in the theatre with me this time, when he came in, the incision was already done, I felt that this time we could participate in the birth more. But it was really a non-event, because everyone blocked his view during the pushing process
- I had more rest after changing to a single room this time. Paid more for sure but the amount of rest and privacy I got this time was much better. The girls came on Day 3, and there was also more space for them to move about, had a short nap too.
- First time off the bed wasn’t as painful as the previous time. Perhaps it’s due to experience, I already know what to expect.
- Milk supply kicked in much earlier than the last time. I decided on full time expressing and quietly ignored the friendly advise of the Parent Craft counselor to start latching on the minute I was transferred to the ward. I decided to let the nurse feed the baby formula milk, until I felt better on Day 2, after the drip is removed and when I was more mobile. The milk supply came in on Day 3 afternoon, after my efforts to use the pump in the hospital from Day 2 onwards.
My own pump worked better as compared to the hospital pump, and I could finish expressing in 30mins instead of 1 hour in the hospital.
- Less visitors this time round meant I had more time on my own to rest, to watch tv and rest.
Overall, I think experience does count. After surviving twins, a single baby seems much easier, although everyone at home has to recall how to care for a newborn again. We felt blessed that this little one was a good drinker, (she is drinking up to 90ml now!), her good birth weight made it easier to care for her as she’s more sturdy to hold and carry.
The adventure of the first year begins again!
Becoming the toddler who roams freely without fear again
The past weeks have been eventful. Resuming my spiritual journey has brought about numerous events that trigger the various reactions in me, and brought me forward in my personal growth.
A friend(in fact 2) commented that I am somebody who uses my logic and brain too much, and I don’t feel enough. One of them recommended me the book, Living in The Heart, by Drunvalo Melchizedek. I read it, and found that it makes a lot of sense, the heart is where our “home” is.
For a long time, I have been trying to connect with my high self and guides, without any “direct” results. Although I do sense their presence, and the communications in terms of synchronicities and messages from all around, I’m not really able to have any “direct” communications with them. After reading the book and being bombarded by the “feel” more comments continuously, I think I became a little to eager to change things, and the lack of results resulted in some frustration in me.
My understanding of what Drunvalo has said, if we want to connect with our higher self, we need to first get in touch and connect with our “lower self”, which is the subconscious mind, and this lower self happens to be of the age of around 4 years old. So, we need to become child like in order to connect with our lower self. Once the lower self agrees, we’ll be able to connect with the higher self.
In my eagerness to switch to a more feelings based person, I found a struggle in me, because I’m someone who for some reason likes to do a lot of researches and read on “theories”, which I can feel irks some of my friends, who are more “feelings” based and can’t appreciate the theories. Haha… so one of them commented that I’m an introverted thinker, which prompted me to research more on my personality…well what else but research, it’s me. I found that I’m a INTJ. I do have my intuitions, and I’m indeed an introvert who thinks a lot, and based my judgements on facts backed by theories, and I enjoy doing researches and theories heaps. So, there’s no point trying to change things too much, especially it’s something I enjoy doing a lot. I just need to learn to balance things out.
This morning, finally I hear the voice which tells me, “My child, it’s perfectly alright to be a thinker, an introvert, or whatever you are now, this is what you have chosen to do in this life, you are as good as you can be at this moment. Just remember that you can always “come home”, to the heart, and you can do that at your will, whenever you want to. This is a place where you come in to rest, contemplate, chill out and just do what you like to do, to feel the unconditional love I have for you and to recharge”.
I finally feel I’m the toddler who is able to roam freely and know that there’s always a “home” and a loving Mother that I can go back to when I’m tired or afraid. Thank you! And thanks to the friends, who have nudged me in this direction.
