Category Archive
The following is a list of all entries from the Uncategorized category.
Think family
Saw a TV ad last evening.
The setting was at a funeral. The wife was speaking to everyone and instead of talking about how good her husband was, she spoke about how he snored, imitating the sounds he made when asleep, sometimes waking himself up with his own snore. It was funny, and then, she told everyone, it’s the familiar snores that reminds her that he was still alive when his cancer got worse.
The thing that striked me the most was this phrase that she said to her children.
“I wish you will find someone as imperfectly perfect as your Dad.”
I teared hearing that phrase.
Some of us spend our lives, trying to find the perfect partner, perfect boyfriend/girlfriend, only to realise that there’s no perfection. Even if that one person manages to come across as perfect in the courtship days, when the honeymoon period is over, the imperfections or the very quirky bits that attracts become the qualities that irk the most.
A friend mention that there’s no such thing as a long term relationship because humans are not built that way. It is all about breeding, the survival of species. When the brood is completed, the relationship does not hold any more purpose, so the parties would move on.
But it is things like the ad that reminds one that relationships, especially marriage, is not just about breeding or producing the next generation. It is that, plus a whole lot more. Humankind are not animals, some of us may sow the seeds to produce the next generation, but it’s the bond and the family and a strong marriage that nurtures the very little person that is “produced”.
Appreciation of a person as he or she is, is often not the easiest to do. How do we look beyond the appearance, the perception of who we think the person is, versus who they really are, is at best, a skill we acquire with experience. Some of us are good at “sizing” up people, some of us truly see people as they are.
Whatever it is, the basis of family, I believe, is built on a strong marriage, which is backed up by a great partnership and love between 2 people. With this basis, a strong family unit can be built, and the children can benefit from the love and joy of this partnership and be the best that they can be.
I pray that the day where we build love upon love can become wide-spread, and more nuclus family can have a strong bond and love.
LOA? Consideration for others
Recently I had several experiences with inconsiderate people.
1. At a baby changing room
The design of this room is longish and between the entrance to the nursing/changing area is the width of a path that could probably just fit maximum 3 prams.
We parked our prams front and back of each other, so that there was space for other people to move into the changing/nursing area. There was this lady, who had a double pram, trying to move out of the changing room, so I carried one of my kid, in order to make way for the lady.
She decided to stop in the middle of path, and continued chatting with another friend who also had a kid, and they were chatting about how this lady got the double pram, and how the pram doesn’t go on the escalator in the mall because it’s too wide.
All these chatting continued for awhile, and I was still carrying my kid + being heavily pregnant. The entire walkway was blocked, and had anyone else tried to enter or exit the changing room, it was totally impossible.
I could only roll my eyes. Should have reminded that woman to stop chatting and move out so that others can move within the room.
2. Inconsiderate taxi driver
A lady with a toddler, a pram and a young kid went to board the cab before me. It was drizzling, and this lady first put her toddler and bags into the cab, then carried her baby, and then she had no hands to keep the pram and put that pram into the boot of the taxi.
Usually I would expect the taxi driver to come down from the taxi, and help the passengers especially in such a situation.
Not at all. Instead the driver just sat in his cab and waited.
Seeing how this lady was struggling, i put down my big bag of stuff, trying to find a dry spot on the floor. Proceeded to help this lady fold her pram and put the pram into the boot of the cab.
—————————————————
The 2nd incident happened just after I spoke to a friend who had an accident. A taxi cut into his lane, hitting him at the handlebar, causing him to lose control of his bike, and he ended up staying in the hospital for a few days. Another friend concluded that most cab drivers are bad drivers and I was just commenting to a friend that I was lucky to have met mostly good drivers. I did think about some examples of bad taxi drivers, and perhaps I could have focused too much on the examples.
Just the day after, I see this incident where the cab driver is inconsiderate.
LOA at work?
Just felt that there are things that can make this place a better one for everyone.
If we all can put a little thought and consideration for others, there’s really no need for courtesy campaigns. I pray for the day that we will all respect the public space, be a little more considerate and share the common spaces with others.
The world will be a better place.
Customer service
Bought a pair of comfy walking shoes recently and of all days, the elastic band came off just before the Chinese New Year holidays.
It was my first pair of shoes from this brand. They have been advertising on their comfort level and “airy-ness” of the shoe to avoid foul smells. None of the designs (nor prices) attracted me enough, but that day, with the mood to buy, I saw one pair that was going at a price with discounts that I was happy to pay and the comfort was there.
Therefore, my disappointment when the elastic band came off when I was doing shopping. Next day, I brought the pair of shoes to the retail shop, and decided to ask for it to be repaired.
The sales people aren’t used to such requests, I felt. First question I was asked: Did the band fell off by itself? (Obviously, would I be so silly to pull it out myself?!)
I didn’t have my receipt anymore since it was already 2-3 weeks from the purchase date. They took my name and contact number, gave me a note to say that they have collected XX model, size Y on X date and put a company stamp on it.
I haven’t heard from the store yet, yesterday I spoke to the salesperson and was told that due to the CNY holidays, the HQ has not seen my shoes yet (???@!!!). I gave them the benefit of doubt, and requested that someone contact me early next week to let me know if they can repair it or whether there would be a replacement.
Out of curiousity, I went online to search for their company website, there wasn’t a country site for us, and I saw this note when I clicked on the “Customer Service” section.
“Coming soon”.
Enough said 
Update:
A sales person called today to inform that they will replace the shoes with a new pair, or I could choose another design. I’m choosing to get the same design, but perhaps a smaller size. Also requested to have the half insoles and the leather heel liners back from the faulty pair of shoes 
The salesperson said he would call me again once my original pair of shoes are sent back to the retail shop. Another few more days of waiting!
Listening to and believing in your innerself
Being alone, in a foreign land and living alone in the city, I have plenty of solo time. Most of the time stopping the inner chatters is a challenge, because all I have to talk to is myself.
Having been here for 2 years and looking back, I realised that I have followed my intuition/inner voices many times and that proved to be a pretty effective way of living our lives.
Self discovery is one of the main motivations for me to move away and live by myself, for the past 2 years, I have been trying on and off to have very clear communications with my guides and higher self, but I tend to think that they do not communicate with me in the way I wanted them to, maybe I have not grasped the right way of communicating with them. But looking back, I’m sure they have their ways of making sure the messages come through.
When I first arrived in this city, I was a little shocked by the rental rates, it’s not expensive per se, judging by international standard. But coming from a place where public housings are aplenty (and I was in a position to enjoy them), it’s still a substantially higher amount to pay. Friends around me have been suggesting me to get my own place, but the voices inside told me to not move into that, my circumstances then also did not permit me to jump into the property market. Looking back now, I must say, I was lucky, the property prices have dropped by a fairly big percentage since the 2008 economic crisis, which is more than the total rentals I have paid in the pass 2 years or so. Coupled with the drop in interest rates (I would have been locked into a higher interest rate for years), my on paper savings could well be 2 to 3 times the amount I have paid in rentals.
The above is just one of the many examples of how listening to your inner voice and believing in yourself help. “Take that job, even if it’s just a contractual assignment”, “They are noises, just keep on following your own beliefs”, etc.
Just 2 nights ago, I was feeling a little frustrated with certain things, before I went to bed drained and tired that night, I kind of shouted internally “Will you guys talk to me?!”. I drifted into a deep sleep, woke up earlier than usual feeling energised, and while going through the usual internet surfing routine, I found an entry about communicating with your guides, specifically mentioning the method used by me is not the right way of communication, rather it’s the way that will quiet everything down, including the voices from the guides and angels. In that entry, a better way of communication was suggested, and that’s just the way I’m gonna use from now on.
Yes, my guides and angels, I know you guys are communicating with me, albeit subtly, but I can always feel your presence, and I know I’m receiving the messages, just not as loud and clear as I wanted them to be. I’ll continue to listen carefully to the messages, until a time when we can all sit down and chit chat at my will. Let’s work towards achieving that in the near future, before 2009 comes to an end.
Automated customer service
I’m not a fan of dialling customer service hotlines. Most of the time, I would be placed on hold for awhile, listening to recorded voice or some elevator music if good, else music from the wrong radio channel.
That day, this hotline I called beat the cake.
Here’s how it went
CS: “Hi, I am Lee Lee, your automated customer service assistant. For English, please say English”
Me: “English” (Feeling quite ridiculous that I’m saying this)
CS: “For XXX, please say XXX. For YYY, please say YYY……….For more options, please say more options…”
Me: “More Options…” (and that’s when I heard that there’s actually other options after this…damn.. how do I get back to the previous menu??)
CS: “For AAA service, please say AAA. For BBB…..To speak to our customer service officer, please say Customer Service”
Me: “Customer Service”
CS: “Please hold, we will transfer the call to our customer service officer”
(Waited half a sec)
CS: “Hi, I am Lee Lee, your automated customer service assistant. For English, please say English”
WTF?!
I hung up. Called the main line, asked to be transferred to the correct department.
After mins of being placed on hold, I was glad to hear an actual person’s voice. I had the officer help with my request and after that, I said, “Can I give you some feedback?”
CS: Yes please do.
I told the officer that the automated hotline was tedious, quite silly, and I couldn’t get to be transferred to an actual officer to speak to.
He tried to explain that it could be that they are having a high volume of calls etc, which then I counter that it should at least inform the customer that the call was being transferred, not to be put through the entire sequence again.
At the end of it, he understood what I meant. I’m suspecting that he probably feels the same way about the system as I did.
To top this experience, I received a call from another service provider today, requesting for feedback on the performance of a customer service officer which
1. I can’t even remember when did I make the call to this service provider
2. I can’t even remember if I had spoken to a customer service personnel.
I asked when the call was made, the lady replied, “Oh, you made the call 3 weeks ago…”
3 weeks ago?! How would I remember?
Feedback should be timely and prompt. Not 3 weeks later
And please make it easy to speak to an actual person for all those providers out there.
Some thoughts on our working life
The topic of our work came naturally after education. Sometimes I wonder if we are too attached to our work that we let it define who we are. The line between what we do and we as a person is blurred. But is this necessary?
Moving to a different environment helped me to look at this from a different angle, the life outside of work becomes more obvious, and we do not need to be sucked into our work. Work has become something that helps keep the boredom out and I’m pretty happy spending 8 hours a day at it, no more no less. The good thing is nobody is expecting more than that from me. I may not have a very colourful life outside of my work, but not having to work 12 to 14 hours a day already make me feel a lot more alive.
I’m lucky in the sense that, I may not be totally passionate about my work, but my work happens to be something I’m very interested in. So it’s not difficult for me to feel a certain degree of job satisfaction on an average day, more so when I managed to get a tricky issue resolved.
Having said that, work related concerns still bug me from time to time, things like how do I keep up with the market, the changing technologies, will I still be “employable” after 40. Not to mention the occasional restlessness, the feeling that I may be wasting my life doing something I’m not totally passionate about.
On the other hand, I notice there is a group of people who are totally detached from their work. They come in to the work place, do what they need to do for 8 hours, when the time is up, they pack up and go do their own things, work is never on their minds except for that 8 hours on a work day. I wonder is it because their focus is on something more important to them in their lives. Things like their families, children, that DIY project, a side business, and so on. I don’t think I’m one of them though.
A friend is working in a supposedly great multi national corporation, good enough to be the dream job of many people, with an above average salary, yet the restlessness seems to set in more often now. I can’t help wondering why, is it because she is feeling guilty about not spending enough time with the family, especially her very young children? Is she torned between climbing the corporate ladder and being a parent, a wife, etc? is she feeling that she is not doing something meaningful, although the money may be good? is it…..?
Connection with others
I wonder how many people keep in touch with those that they know through their lives.
I have friends whom I’m still in touch with for decades, since school days. Friends who I know when I was young, keeping in touch by snail mail, in the form of greeting cards every year. Colleagues who became friends. Once in a while, I also keep in touch with those that I’ve clicked with, even if I’ve only knew them for a short while.
Other times, I’m just bored. Trying to look for someone to talk to over MSN, only to realise that that person may no longer have common topics with me, or that we have grown apart.
Connecting with others, finding out how they are, sharing stories and life experiences are things that many people like to do. How many really do bother to keep contact with their “old time” friends from school days unless they had fun then? How many would take the effort to do that when they are caught up with work, life, interests etc?
I’m glad I’ve made the effort to connect with new people, with those that have crossed my paths before, and those I grew up with. That type of connection needs effort from both parties, and time to grow that connection.
Have you connected with someone recently?
Adrenalin rush
The heart needs a good workout sometimes, a break from the monotony of daily life.
I took a ride on a friend’s motorbike – something I haven’t done for a long time.
I was really scared, worried even. It was just a ride home, how bad could it be?
I figure, it won’t be that bad. So much as my heart was pumping hard, I took a leap of faith and accepted that ride home.
Started with my hands on the side handles of my seat. Scared shit! It really felt very insecure when we are turning. End up asking my friend if I could just put my hand on his shoulders That felt rather embarassing but what the heck? Better admit that I’m scared than to fall off the bike right?
Next feeling: the naked feeling on the road. I can feel the wind, as well as the dust. I could feel that the journey was much shorter because we were constantly on the move along the highway. I also tried not to put all my weight or hold my friend’s shoulders too firmly
In less than 15 mins, I was home safe.
It wasn’t that bad! I survived!
Being me
I attend a lunch talk yesterday, in celebration of International Women’s Day. The forum was about Achieving Balance, Fuelling growth.
There were 4 speakers, female leaders in their own right, senior leaders in the corporate organisation, a MP and the boss of an executive search firm. The topics touched on women being catalysts of change, finding a balance between choices and how women can climb the career ladder.
The session that strike me the most was on finding a balance between choices. The speaker was sharing her story, about how she almost wanted to quit her job because she felt guilty for not being there with her young children due to work commitments. To her surprise, her family all discouraged her to do that because they could see that she was enjoying what she does at work.
I went through a similar dilemma before. It was definitely not like I was at the peak of my career, a top honcho in an organisation, but I felt the guilt of not being with the kids when I was travelling initially in my new role. Thankfully it was just a short period of time, and I had the support from my husband and family.
Society norms often see the female as the nurturer, the caregiver for the family. Now this definition and stereotype has proven that it’s not about gender, it’s about what this individual is about. Men – breadwinner, Women – caregiver? Many women end up striving to be this super-woman: mum, wife, career woman etc. All of us, men included, face stereotypes but do those social norms matter at the end?
There are reasons why these women are leaders in the corporate world. They love what they do, and they made one point clear: we have to define our priorities in life. What matters to one person may not be important to another person. In our own ways, we are leaders of our life, and we find our niche in this society. When we are happy within, it shows and it’s absolutely impossible to please everyone.
Not everyone wants to be up there in the corporate world. Many that I know want a stable job, time for family and personal pursuits. When you want more, you do more, and it requires a delicate balancing act. These women at the top work their way there, using their own talent, experiences, and certainly some level of sacrifices to get to where they are, but the end result that is important: to be happy.
To be happy with what you do, who you are. It’s a simple philosophy, many of us want to be happy but aren’t sure WHAT makes us happy. So we struggle through life, finding that what others prescribed as success may mean nothing for us.
My takeaway from that session: I’m happy where I am, who I am. I am good now.
Keeping up with appearances
I read the entry today from TheSimpleDollar.com: Defeating Superman Syndrome: How to Progress Beyond the “Need” to be the financial hero.
It caught my attention because recently, I’ve heard of people around me complaining about someone that was trying to do this, or could be doing this.
I wonder if it’s a cultural thing and upbringing. Some men would pay through their noses, borrow from others in order to keep up with the appearances. The family usually doesn’t know of this behaviour until the debts pile up and people start chasing for the repayment. By that time, it’s usually a huge amount and the family may help to pay off the loan, but it may not stop the behaviour.
Some try to understand why that individual has gone down the route of borrowing. Others help, when they think it’s not a big amount. I did both, and my conclusion is that I won’t lend. Unless it’s a real need and it’s spare money that I don’t need, lending just don’t make sense because chances are, you won’t see the money coming back or one has to spend a lot of time chasing for it.
I borrowed before, from relatives and family to pay for the initial upfront fees from my university course. After that I made sure that subsequent fees instalment were paid by myself, and after the course ended, I made regular payments to reduce my debt.
During that stage, I couldn’t spend on fancy bags, clothes, shoes and such. Friends were buying brands, having a good time (before they see their bills). Up till now, I only spend what I can afford. Lucky for me, most of my friends are like me. We don’t have firvolous spending habits but we do have stuff that we desire and work towards getting it.
There are ways to getting what we desire. Instant gratification through borrowing or pay through your nose to get it, just makes you feel more burdened and you end up not enjoying the very thing you paid for. Habitual borrowers prey on others who feed their insatiable desires of sustaining a lifestyle beyond what they can afford.
We really don’t need the latest IT equipment, the fancy branded clothes and money to buy friends or approval. True friends accept us as we are, and there are always ways to give, not just money.
To give with your best intentions and heart, you receive much more love and blessings.
