Listening to and believing in your innerself
Being alone, in a foreign land and living alone in the city, I have plenty of solo time. Most of the time stopping the inner chatters is a challenge, because all I have to talk to is myself.
Having been here for 2 years and looking back, I realised that I have followed my intuition/inner voices many times and that proved to be a pretty effective way of living our lives.
Self discovery is one of the main motivations for me to move away and live by myself, for the past 2 years, I have been trying on and off to have very clear communications with my guides and higher self, but I tend to think that they do not communicate with me in the way I wanted them to, maybe I have not grasped the right way of communicating with them. But looking back, I’m sure they have their ways of making sure the messages come through.
When I first arrived in this city, I was a little shocked by the rental rates, it’s not expensive per se, judging by international standard. But coming from a place where public housings are aplenty (and I was in a position to enjoy them), it’s still a substantially higher amount to pay. Friends around me have been suggesting me to get my own place, but the voices inside told me to not move into that, my circumstances then also did not permit me to jump into the property market. Looking back now, I must say, I was lucky, the property prices have dropped by a fairly big percentage since the 2008 economic crisis, which is more than the total rentals I have paid in the pass 2 years or so. Coupled with the drop in interest rates (I would have been locked into a higher interest rate for years), my on paper savings could well be 2 to 3 times the amount I have paid in rentals.
The above is just one of the many examples of how listening to your inner voice and believing in yourself help. “Take that job, even if it’s just a contractual assignment”, “They are noises, just keep on following your own beliefs”, etc.
Just 2 nights ago, I was feeling a little frustrated with certain things, before I went to bed drained and tired that night, I kind of shouted internally “Will you guys talk to me?!”. I drifted into a deep sleep, woke up earlier than usual feeling energised, and while going through the usual internet surfing routine, I found an entry about communicating with your guides, specifically mentioning the method used by me is not the right way of communication, rather it’s the way that will quiet everything down, including the voices from the guides and angels. In that entry, a better way of communication was suggested, and that’s just the way I’m gonna use from now on. 
Yes, my guides and angels, I know you guys are communicating with me, albeit subtly, but I can always feel your presence, and I know I’m receiving the messages, just not as loud and clear as I wanted them to be. I’ll continue to listen carefully to the messages, until a time when we can all sit down and chit chat at my will. Let’s work towards achieving that in the near future, before 2009 comes to an end.
Children’s medication
I’m never one who can remember the names of medicine that I take.
After being a parent, things have changed slightly. I found that in most cases, for very young kids under the age of 5, taking medication from the General Practioners (GP) doctors don’t seem to work well for my kids. Most of the GPs do not have much experience with very young children, and the dosage of medication doesn’t seem appropriate from my experiences so far.
Finding the right doctor helps. For us, the Paediatrician that has been seeing the girls seem to work best for them. Every time the girls are down with some common illnesses like the cold, just a visit to the PD would seem to help them recover very quickly.
So much so that I’m taking note of the medication that the PD gives, and sometimes for convenience’s sake, I would request the same medication from the GP or just get it from the pharmacy. So far, the following seems to be common:
Adezio Oral Solution: For clearing of phlegm
Chlorpheniramine: For nasal blockage, running nose
Rhinathiol: To soften the phlegm
Paximol: Paracentamol (for fever)
Brufen: High fever (for more than 38 degree Celcius)
Dimetapp: In the same family as Chlorpheniramine, for nasal blockage, running nose. Meant for kids over 2 years.
Note: All medication should be prescribed by the doctors, depending on the professional diagnosis of the doctors. The above are just some general medication of common child illnesses that my kids have taken before for common cold, running nose and fever.
It pays to know what medication to take, especially with young children. Their immunity system takes awhile to build up, but the good thing is most times, they recover very quickly as well.
Parenthood debate
It was announced just a few weeks back that the parenthood and babybonus scheme would have more incentives. Amongst the changes:
- Paid maternity leave of up to 16 weeks;
- !st child will be entitled to a one time $4K bonus (payable over 4 instalments), and the Child Development Account (CDA) where every dollar of savings is matched by the Government, up to $6K for the 1st and 2nd child.
- 5th child and beyond will get up to $18K CDA of matching savings.
- Enhanced Parenthood tax rebates
- Increased in subsidies for infant care and childcare centres.
- Improvement in the quality and service of centre-based childcare
- Subsidies for couples who are going for IVF treatments
The initial start date was 1st Jan 2009, which caused a huge response from many. Online petitions, interviews with the media, feedback to the govt portals –> Resulted in a 48 hours response that the start date for IVF subsidies and babybonus will start on the day of the announcement: 17 August 2008. Amazing feat considering how difficult it has been to get feedback heard by the relevant agencies.
All the announcements, news, articles and comments from everyone lead me to ponder, whether these incentives would encourage those that aren’t ready for parenthood to embark on this adventure? I doubt it will convert them, probably to help those who have or are going for more children.
Even more comments came from SME employers who are concerned with the 4 months paid maternity leave. How do you get resources, trained them up and to cover those going on maternity leave in a short time? Effectively one could have gotten a staff, train them and confirm that person in that 4 months. What would happen to those that go for that 4 months of paid maternity leave? The Government paying for the last 2 months of paid maternity leave isn’t going to resolve the issue of resources.
My aunt said, “Maybe this would be an encouragement for employers to hire mature workers who have completed their family. No more maternity leave.”
Having kids is not about doing national service. No one is going to just have more children because of all the monetary incentives that you would get doing it. Most people recognise the time, effort and responsibility of having kids, but I wonder if some worry too much. There is no better time to have children when you are married and have a stable income.
Again, it’s a personal choice. I may no longer have too much extra to spend on my whimsical purchases, nor frequent holidays during the initial years of having kids, but the joy of seeing the kids running to me everyday when I return to work, giving me a hug, and hearing them call me “Mummy” is worth so much.
The contentment and appreciation of the minor things in life, the amusement of seeing the kids learn everything we do is something money cannot buy. Whatever help I can get, I appreciate it, but it’s not like there will be someone else who will help me with this responsibility. Many people seem to be taking it for granted, asking for backdates of the scheme and more money to be dished out. Wanna backdate till my grandparents’ time? 
The money has to come from somewhere admittedly. There are singles who feel that their tax money is going into schemes that do not benefit them. There are those who feel that COEs should be subsidised. Do we all really need to get a car once the kid arrives? Really. I survived on cabs with a pair of twins in the initial years. Still much cheaper versus getting a car.
The announcement also brought back the topic of the “2’s enough” campaign. People were disincentived if they decided to have more than 2 kids. Pay more during delivery, low priority if the 3rd child goes to school, pushing women to go for sterilisation after the 2nd kid.
The same aunt sums the feelings back then. When she had her 2nd kid, the nurses were asking if she wants to ligate. “No” was the answer. By the time her first child went to school, the policy has changed to “Have 3 if you can afford it”. How to have #3 if you have ligated before? I think that was a real sore point, taking away the personal choice, pushing the many thousands and thousands of women to go for sterilisation. It did seem to be deeming to the female species. Like how pet owners need to sterilise the animals.
This over-successful (instead of saying that it’s a mistake by the father) campaign probably left a dent, but with moving trends, it would seem inevitable that people today would choose to have fewer children. Family structure would have evolved and people will have a different feeling about what parenthood entails.
Is having kids scary? Yes.
Do children bring joy? Most of the times before they turn into teenagers. hahahaa
Do children help us adults to learn and grow? A definite Yes!
Which is why I’m on this journey, with or without incentives (but lucky the incentives came just in time!). Every bit helps.
Would you start your parenthood journey?
The Tipping Point by Malcom Gladwell
A friend lent me this book recently.
I always see this at the bookstore, browse through a few times, but it never attracted me enough to want to purchase it.
The concept of the book revolves around what makes certain situation change drastically and quickly from one point to another. It explores the idea of how are trends, epidemics, or social situations are started. How little things make the difference.
The main concepts are:
- Having the right people: Connectors, Maverns, Salesmen
- Stickiness of content
- The context of environment
- The magic 150 (any group larger, it would be hard to control the organisation or group by effective means)
My thoughts on the book:
I was bored. So much so I ended up skimming through the book.
The concept was interesting initially but it felt so draggy and repetitive as the chapters go on. This was a book that presented a lot of different case studies, but I’m not really sure if they do highlight any point that the author wanted to make.
The writing style was not as engaging as I hope it would be. It’s like a cut and paste book with references and case studies from various sources put together in a book.
That pretty much sums it up for me. That’s the reason why I have never wanted to buy it from the bookstore, despite it being a bestseller.
Automated customer service
I’m not a fan of dialling customer service hotlines. Most of the time, I would be placed on hold for awhile, listening to recorded voice or some elevator music if good, else music from the wrong radio channel.
That day, this hotline I called beat the cake.
Here’s how it went
CS: “Hi, I am Lee Lee, your automated customer service assistant. For English, please say English”
Me: “English” (Feeling quite ridiculous that I’m saying this)
CS: “For XXX, please say XXX. For YYY, please say YYY……….For more options, please say more options…”
Me: “More Options…” (and that’s when I heard that there’s actually other options after this…damn.. how do I get back to the previous menu??)
CS: “For AAA service, please say AAA. For BBB…..To speak to our customer service officer, please say Customer Service”
Me: “Customer Service”
CS: “Please hold, we will transfer the call to our customer service officer”
(Waited half a sec)
CS: “Hi, I am Lee Lee, your automated customer service assistant. For English, please say English”
WTF?!
I hung up. Called the main line, asked to be transferred to the correct department.
After mins of being placed on hold, I was glad to hear an actual person’s voice. I had the officer help with my request and after that, I said, “Can I give you some feedback?”
CS: Yes please do.
I told the officer that the automated hotline was tedious, quite silly, and I couldn’t get to be transferred to an actual officer to speak to.
He tried to explain that it could be that they are having a high volume of calls etc, which then I counter that it should at least inform the customer that the call was being transferred, not to be put through the entire sequence again.
At the end of it, he understood what I meant. I’m suspecting that he probably feels the same way about the system as I did.
To top this experience, I received a call from another service provider today, requesting for feedback on the performance of a customer service officer which
1. I can’t even remember when did I make the call to this service provider
2. I can’t even remember if I had spoken to a customer service personnel.
I asked when the call was made, the lady replied, “Oh, you made the call 3 weeks ago…”
3 weeks ago?! How would I remember?
Feedback should be timely and prompt. Not 3 weeks later
And please make it easy to speak to an actual person for all those providers out there.
Some thoughts on our working life
The topic of our work came naturally after education. Sometimes I wonder if we are too attached to our work that we let it define who we are. The line between what we do and we as a person is blurred. But is this necessary?
Moving to a different environment helped me to look at this from a different angle, the life outside of work becomes more obvious, and we do not need to be sucked into our work. Work has become something that helps keep the boredom out and I’m pretty happy spending 8 hours a day at it, no more no less. The good thing is nobody is expecting more than that from me. I may not have a very colourful life outside of my work, but not having to work 12 to 14 hours a day already make me feel a lot more alive.
I’m lucky in the sense that, I may not be totally passionate about my work, but my work happens to be something I’m very interested in. So it’s not difficult for me to feel a certain degree of job satisfaction on an average day, more so when I managed to get a tricky issue resolved.
Having said that, work related concerns still bug me from time to time, things like how do I keep up with the market, the changing technologies, will I still be “employable” after 40. Not to mention the occasional restlessness, the feeling that I may be wasting my life doing something I’m not totally passionate about.
On the other hand, I notice there is a group of people who are totally detached from their work. They come in to the work place, do what they need to do for 8 hours, when the time is up, they pack up and go do their own things, work is never on their minds except for that 8 hours on a work day. I wonder is it because their focus is on something more important to them in their lives. Things like their families, children, that DIY project, a side business, and so on. I don’t think I’m one of them though.
A friend is working in a supposedly great multi national corporation, good enough to be the dream job of many people, with an above average salary, yet the restlessness seems to set in more often now. I can’t help wondering why, is it because she is feeling guilty about not spending enough time with the family, especially her very young children? Is she torned between climbing the corporate ladder and being a parent, a wife, etc? is she feeling that she is not doing something meaningful, although the money may be good? is it…..?
Subjects in school
A conversation with cityhermit spark this thought: Who decided that we should be taking subjects like Maths, English, History, Geography, Art and Craft, Physics, Chemistry etc in school?
Talking about the value of the information that we had to learn in school, be tested on. How did all these apply to real life, and would we ever get value from all those that we had to memorize just to get through the exams?
Why don’t we learn applicable and useful information that would help us cope in real life? Some topics that we thought about:
- Personal Finances and Budget planning
- Human relationship: how to work with people effectively
- How to find your purpose in life
- Staying motivated
- How to change light bulbs and simple repairs at home
- Stress management
Like Literature, how many of us really know how to use Shakespeare’s English? How many of us use differentiation and integration at work? Even so, how many of us apply the information we get from History or geography and apply it in real life?
How did we cope with studying 8 subjects in the same year and pass the exams?
Should someone be looking at revamping the education system??
Questions questions…something worth pondering
The Saint, The Surfer and The CEO by Robin Sharma
Picked up this book by Robin Sharma, the same time I read “The Alchemist“.
The story is about Jack Valentine, and his search to learn how to live a happier, healthier and more beautiful life. The title of the book are the three guides that came to his life, to help Jack learn about the philosophy of life. There are 3 Final Questions in life:
“Have I lived wisely?” — how to conduct your life so that it’s lived in a noble and enlightened way. The importance of discovering the gifts on the inside of your life so you can live with immerse peace on the outside.
“Have I loved well? — how to love life itself and each of the moments that occur within it.
“Have I served greatly? — how to be a leader on the planet, not just in terms of career, but in terms of your life.
As I go through the book again, I see quotes that really strike me.
With the first teacher, a priest, he shares the following:
The journey of life is about spotting our weaker areas and healing them so that we eventually find our best selves.
…It (the journey of life) is not about improving oneself. It’s about remembering oneself
Success is nothing more living your life according to your own truth and on your own terms.
For your life to change, you must change. The place where your greatest fears live is also the place where your greatest growth is.
Techniques that we can use to get in touch with ourselves:
- Write down what we discover so that we have the inner conversations with ourselves: Journaling
- Take action each day to reveal the true you to the world – to close the Integrity Gap, to be authentic, be real, and by yourself.
From the Surfer, an ex-advertiser who gave it all up and lives on the beach, the following strike me:
For your life to be great, your faith must be bigger than your fears.
In the corporate world, there’s too much doing and not enough being... Live in a state of calm surrender, going with what life has in store for you.
Learn, do and then be...Moving from unconscious incompetence -> conscious competence -> unconscious competence
Adversity is the diamon dust Heaven polishes its jewels with.
Techniques for self love, self-care:
- Invest in self care activities such as getting a massage on a regular basis, taking time out to watch the starts twinkle,
- Feeding yourself with excellent food because you respect the temple that’s your body.
- Reading only the best books and listening to lovely music that sends your spirit soaring.
5 self-care practices:
- Shift from complexity to simplicity: leave space to enjoy the precious moments of life
- Daily Journaling: Answer in writing the Morning questions:
How would I live this day if I knew it was my last?
What do I have to be grateful for in my life?
What one thing could I do today to help make my life extraordinary?
What can I do to make today incredibly fun?
How can I help someone today?
- A daily period of silent retreat
- Communing with nature
- Nuturing your body. It’s the place where your spirit lives, your home. Stay fit. “Those who do not take time for exercise must eventually make time for illness” . Eating only the best foods available.
From the CEO, I learnt:
To have a better life, we must keep choosing how we are living…choosing our best thinking and our best actions. Choose how we live in every moment of our days.
Life is really short. Now is the time to raise your standards about what it means to be a person, to show the world who you really are. If not now, when?
Elite performance in career and in life is about personal accountability. Be there for the people in our life, genuinely care about people. Do the unexpected for them and give them some of yourself.
Happiness and success are the unintended yet inevitable by-products of a life spent creating value for other human beings.
Techniques/key notes:
- Have thoughtful conversations with people. Get good at conversations
- Be a value builder: Seek out ways to enrich others, improve the lot of thos who have the privilege of doing business with them.
- The purpose of life isn’t to be happy. The wold would change if we began to become consumed, not with being happier, but with being more valuable. How can I be more?…Happiness is a by-product, and it comes to those who don’t seek it.
2 reasons to be in business:
- To create value for others and for the benefit of the greater good;
- To grow as a person. To actualize who we really are, and in doing so, make peace with ourselves.
5 steps on manifesting our heart’s desires:
- Articulate a vision. Name what you desire in your life
- Develop your strategy. Break that vision down into a strategy to execute it under. Break into a week-by-week strategy, more manageable.
- Setup a self contract: Personal accountability, The Law of Diminishing Intent holds that the more time that passes after you’ve set a goal, the less likely you are to breathe life into it and to make it happen.
- Measurement. Self examination
- Celebrate your Proud moments
- Execution
The deepest of all human needs is the need to live for something more important than ourselves. Write about your legacy and what your life stand for.
There is much in the book that can be shared and learnt. The writing style is such that the author would reference to quotes, other books and using real-life stories and examples to invite readers to connect to the words and the ideas.
Nothing new in the book, but it does make one re-think and connect better with the story.
Good to read!
The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
I finally managed to read this popular bestseller “The Alchemist” 2 weeks ago.
It is a tale about Santiago, a shepherd boy, who seeks to travel and search for a treasure that he’s been dreaming about. Went to a Gypsy lady who interpreted his dream and told him that the treasures were in Egypt. Santiago begins to embark on his journey to Egypt, after meeting a strange old man who talked about “living your Personal Legends”.
The story follows Santiago on his journey, the people he meets along the way, the situations that he encounters and the learnings from his experience.
Is this a good read?
The story is easy to follow, and like with many books that I have read recently, it’s in line with the theme on following our heart and living our dreams.
I like some parts in the book:
“What’s the world’s greatest lie?
It’s this: that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what’s happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That’s the world’s greatest lie.”
“God revealed his secrets easily to all his creatures…things have to be transmitted this way (via word of mouth) because they were made up from the pure life, and this kind of life cannot be captured in pictures or words.
Because people become fascinated with pictures and words, and wind up forgetting the Language of the World.”
“My heart is afraid that it will suffer…
…the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second’s encounter with God and with eternity”
“Every search begins with beginner’s luck. And every search ends with the victor’s being severely tested.
I finished the book in 2 days. It’s not a huge book, just 173 pages. A simple tale, loaded with references on spirituality, having faith and listening to our heart. I can see why this book is popular, but it does leave this feeling of “so how can I do this in my current life now?”
This book is good for those who are just starting to hear the voices of their heart, it’s like the icing on top, just to give one an idea of the beauty of the cake. But it’s when you actually taste the cake that makes all the difference.
If you are looking for a light reading to feel some inspiration, this book should do it.
If you have been reading a lot about such a theme, then the book doesn’t share anything new that you may not have read or knew.
Experiencing life in New Zealand: Q & A
I thought it may be good to have a Q&A session, just to get my friend to share his experience in NZ. He did so it his earlier entries on why he moved, first festive seasons in a new land.
I got more out of him, so here you go:
Q: Would you continue staying in NZ for the long term?
I have not decided on this yet, given a choice, I would want to stay for a longer period, because I basically like the environment, but on the other hand, living away from family and friends for an extended period of time does not sound like a good idea to me.
Q: After staying NZ for awhile, what are the plus points and not so great points that you think of that place as somewhere worth migrating to?
Plus points:
a) Extremely family friendly work environment, personal time is greatly respected and work schedule are planned with minimum overtime expected. Flexible working hours, as long as one clocks the agreed number of hours per week (usually 40).
b) Space, a population density of 15/sqkm makes a difference (Spore is 6000/sqkm). Although some places like shopping malls can be “crowded” at times, but one can still be around and be at ease and doesn’t feel suffocated.
c) The climate, Auckland’s climate is considered mild (not necessarily true for all parts of NZ), so it’s quite pleasant most time of the year, and plenty of sunshine throughout.
d) The landscape, natural surroundings, heaps of parks no matter where one is, beaches, mountains, etc.
Not so great points:
a) Cost, I’m not sure if this is still a problem now, with the global rising cost of living, things are definitely not cheap here, but I’m not sure if they are expensive compared to other parts of the world with similar living conditions.
b) High tax rates, every single dollar earned is taxed, saving interest is taxed, etc. About 30% of my gross income goes to taxes.
c) Weak law system, which led to higher crime rate, although generally NZ is still quite a safe place.
Neutral:
a) The people, people are mostly friendly, but there have been cases of racism around (I have no personal experience with this), I believe are driven by xenophobic, which exist almost everywhere.
Q: Are there certain jobs that have more demand there?
Yes, there is a list of skill shortage that’s put up on the immigration website, for people possessing those skills, they will be able to apply to come to NZ under the skill migrant category.
Although I must emphasise that looking for a job here is not as simple as possessing the required skills, I have not personally experienced great difficulties in getting my skills or experience recognised, but I have read about people with skills who can’t find suitable employment. One common reason cited is the lack of “Kiwi Experience”, though nobody can explain what that is.
Q: Can you survive without a car in NZ?
I have been surviving without a car all the time I’m here. Public transport is not excellent, but is still accessible, it’s a matter of planning your trip around the timetable, which is readily available online.
Living in the CBD helps because almost everything is within walking distance. On the other hand, parking in the CDB is extremely expensive, between NZ$3 to NZ$10 per hour. So owning a car is not a good idea.
I do miss out on things like outings to the remote beaches, plantations, orchards, vineyards, some tourist spots, etc, which are not accessible by public transport. Maybe not because I don’t own a car, but because I do not really drive, because rental cars are readily available if the need arises.
Q: What do you do during the weekends and week nights?
On week nights I would usually cook and have my dinner, after which I’ll laze around, watching TV and to catch up on things on the Internet. Weekends are for grocery shopping, household chores, trips to the parks, or library. I would sometimes take a walk around my neighbourhood, or to the malls. Other than those activities, it’s more lazing around.
Q: With the high income tax, would one still be able to cope with rental, expenses, and still manage to save?
I guess this mainly boils down to how far one is willing to go in cutting expenses and living frugally. I noticed that many people are willing to pay for convenience, eg. eating out, buying things in just one supermarket (different supermarkets have different things on sale each week).
If one plans ahead and shops carefully, it’s actually not very hard to keep to a certain budget. Sales are good opportunities to bag good bargains, if one is patient enough to wait for them.
Besides my rental and expenses here, I’m also sending money home for my mother’s expenses and to pay for the mortgage of the flat. After all these, I’m able to save about 20% – 30% of my take home pay. With careful planning on the recurrence expenses, eg. Rental, groceries, etc.
Q: Does living abroad make you more inclined to check out the news back home more frequently?
Yes, for various reasons:
a) To evaluate the situation in each place, which may help in my decision on where to live in the coming years.
b) Can be great conversation topics with friends. Because most of the friends I talk to nowadays still pretty much back home, ironically.
Q: Would you think about moving to other countries to stay there after this experience?
Definitely yes, the experience is not one can get from being a tourist. Every country is unique , especially multi cultural countries.
Q: Do you miss home often? What are the things that you miss back home?
Until now (1.5 years) I do not miss home at all. As much as I would like to have my family and friends with me often, I appreciate the time to be away and be on my own. Although I can’t tell what’s the effect in the long run.
Besides the family and friends, I think the next thing that I miss most is the food back home. It’s not very difficult to find similar food here, but the taste can be different and they are more expensive (generally the case when eating out), so they are more like occasional treats. Being able to cook or learn to cook helps a lot, and it’s healthier.
A few things that have got me thinking:
1) Why is it that having live in domestic helpers (aka maids) is not a norm here?
2) What are the government policies that enables the elderly people to choose whether to continue working into their old age or to retire comfortably? I don’t see many old people who are working not because they choose to.
3) A multi party government, is it a good system? With the whole system under the close scrutiny of all the parties, there seem to be self regulation within the system such that bad things don’t happen, because if they do, the other parties will start jumping on the culprit
– If you are thinking of moving overseas, getting out of the country, do drop your comments here
