Becoming the toddler who roams freely without fear again

4 03 2009

The past weeks have been eventful. Resuming my spiritual journey has brought about numerous events that trigger the various reactions in me, and brought me forward in my personal growth.

A friend(in fact 2) commented that I am somebody who uses my logic and brain too much, and I don’t feel enough. One of them recommended me the book, Living in The Heart, by Drunvalo Melchizedek. I read it, and found that it makes a lot of sense, the heart is where our “home” is.

For a long time, I have been trying to connect with my high self and guides, without any “direct” results. Although I do sense their presence, and the communications in terms of synchronicities and messages from all around, I’m not really able to have any “direct” communications with them. After reading the book and being bombarded by the “feel” more comments continuously, I think I became a little to eager to change things, and the lack of results resulted in some frustration in me.

My understanding of what Drunvalo has said, if we want to connect with our higher self, we need to first get in touch and connect with our “lower self”, which is the subconscious mind, and this lower self happens to be of the age of around 4 years old. So, we need to become child like in order to connect with our lower self. Once the lower self agrees, we’ll be able to connect with the higher self.

In my eagerness to switch to a more feelings based person, I found a struggle in me, because I’m someone who for some reason likes to do a lot of researches and read on “theories”, which I can feel irks some of my friends, who are more “feelings” based and can’t appreciate the theories. Haha… so one of them commented that I’m an introverted thinker, which prompted me to research more on my personality…well what else but research, it’s me. I found that I’m a INTJ. I do have my intuitions, and I’m indeed an introvert who thinks a lot, and based my judgements on facts backed by theories, and I enjoy doing researches and theories heaps. So, there’s no point trying to change things too much, especially it’s something I enjoy doing a lot. I just need to learn to balance things out.

This morning, finally I hear the voice which tells me, “My child, it’s perfectly alright to be a thinker, an introvert, or whatever you are now, this is what you have chosen to do in this life, you are as good as you can be at this moment. Just remember that you can always “come home”, to the heart, and you can do that at your will, whenever you want to. This is a place where you come in to rest, contemplate, chill out and just do what you like to do, to feel the unconditional love I have for you and to recharge”.

I finally feel I’m the toddler who is able to roam freely and know that there’s always a “home” and a loving Mother that I can go back to when I’m tired or afraid. Thank you! And thanks to the friends, who have nudged me in this direction.

Love and falling in love

23 02 2009

The recent Valentine’s Day season and a few heart broken friends led to a very deep, lengthy and “tedious” discussion with a friend about Love and the feeling of “falling in love”.

The discussion spanned 4 days, but we can’t come to a conclusion about should one act on the feeling of “falling in love”. So I decided to write this article, based on some of my understanding of what Love and “falling in love” is about.

If you are reading this, please feel free to leave your views.


The believing of the feeling of “falling in love” can have drastic effects on a marriage, for 2 reasons. 

When singles believe too much in this feeling and acted on them, to realise later in the marriage that this feeling has subsided. When this feeling has subsided the image they have about the partner might change accordingly, for the best or worst (therefore a >50% divorce rate). If they do not have the consciousness that this change is part of the process and work on holding the union, the marriage will break.

Secondly, this feeling might arise after the marriage, unfortunately with another target, if the individual trusted and acted on the feeling, inevitably there is negative energy contributed to the marriage, even if s/he simply trusted and not acted on the feeling. Physically, if the original partner found out about the affair, trust is shattered, the union will never be the same again, even if it doesn’t lead to a divorce. If it’s never found out, the energy of the union could have been shifted.

For the other 50% or less that managed to hold the union, we need to ask how many of them are engaging their evolution, how many are really helping the partners in their growth. Are they holding the union for reasons other than love? Eg. children, “face”, etc.

Love is a conscious effort, it’s not something based on the feeling of “falling in love” (although the feeling might still be present in some union, but that is secondary). We Love because we choose to Love. Why love when there’s no falling in love feeling? Because it’s a contract between the souls involved in the union, not just the partners, if the union eventually resulted in the forming of a family unit, the children’s soul are involved too. Karmic connection could also be involved, but I think that could be part of the soul level agreement, or it may not be the ingredient of a spiritual partnership at all.

When we chose to Love another person, especially in the form of a spiritual partnership, we do not attach physically to that person, the union comes about mainly to assist the growth of all the souls involved. There is no fear of losing the loving feeling, or losing the person, no jealousy, no possessiveness, not attachment at all, and therfore no fear, only freedom of expression and Loving energy.

When Love is a conscious effort, it comes from within, we give Love, but we do not seek Love externally. This can only happen when one cultivates self love, the same concept as cultivating the spiritual energy, tapping into the universal source of energy. In this case, it’s tapping into the universal source of Love. When the self love has reached it’s maximum level, the person has successfully integrate the male/female energy in the psyche. This Love energy will start to overflow, this is when he/she is ready to seek out the spritual partner, where through the union, they are able to further elevate each other spiritually.

Why then romantic love happens? The feeling of “falling in love” is the results of the chemical effects of the neurotransmitters in the brain. But why do those chemicals react with each other in the first place? We can explain this from the psychology and spiritual points of view.

We are “hard wired” for the survival of the species, so the “falling in love” feeling is required to provide the platform for a union that resulted in the forming of a family unit, which includes children. Such union may fall apart after the children are brought up to a certain age, and when the duty of the parents are fulfilled.

Another possible reason, is that we were not able to integrate our male/female energy in our childhood formative years, resulting in a piece of us “missing”. But this is not the truth, we may not be complete on the physical level (male OR female, but never both), but we are complete spiritually. So if one is not able to integrate the male/female energies on the spritual level, the physical incompleteness can take over. S/he will then seek the external source of opposite sex energy for completeness. Of course, nobody is able to provide that completeness, except someone who has achieved full self love and fully integrated both energy in him/her self. Unfortunately, someone who feels s/he is incomplete will never be able to attract a “full” person. Therefore it’s always the union of 2 “incomplete” entities, to form a “complete” entity, this eventually resulted in the power struggle when the 2 parties realised that his/her energy is being given out, and stopped giving (this is usually no a conscious process), when this happens, the other partner will resort to childhood dramas to gain the energy, which in turn, resulted in more resistance, thus the power struggle. There’s hope though, if both (or maybe one of the) partners are conscious enough to not engage in the power struggle, they may be able to elevate the union into a lasting love, or better still a spiritual partnership. But unfortunately, this is the path with the highest resistance and requires hard work to achieve, so most of the people chose to give up at the power struggle stage.



We took a day off the topic, (and each other :P), and met each other by chance on a weekend and started talking about it again, finally, I think we have come to a conclusion on the topic:

1) One can act on the “falling in love” feeling, this may not necessarily involve the “target” s/he falls in love with.

2) Acting on the feeling may not meant letting the “target” know and starting to go into a relationship with him/her.

3) Acting on the feeeling may generally refer to letting the experience through. Feeling the feeling, which at times can be painful. This may also mean, to take the next steps, for example trying to find out more about the target, to establish whether s/he is really a “suitable” future partner.

4) Acting on the feeling may also mean to recognise why one has this feeling and to address the root cause, eg. one may feel the need to look for external sources to complete oneself, addressing the core issue may be to enhance one’s self-esteem, or to cultivate self love.

5) The above ways of acting on the feeling may be a manifestation of the concept of living in the present, ie. acting on the feeling now, when it happens, but I haven’t fully grasped the concept of living in the present, so I’m not sure.

Listening to and believing in your innerself

30 01 2009

Being alone, in a foreign land and living alone in the city, I have plenty of solo time. Most of the time stopping the inner chatters is a challenge, because all I have to talk to is myself.

Having been here for 2 years and looking back, I realised that I have followed my intuition/inner voices many times and that proved to be a pretty effective way of living our lives.

Self discovery is one of the main motivations for me to move away and live by myself, for the past 2 years, I have been trying on and off to have very clear communications with my guides and higher self, but I tend to think that they do not communicate with me in the way I wanted them to, maybe I have not grasped the right way of communicating with them. But looking back, I’m sure they have their ways of making sure the messages come through.

When I first arrived in this city, I was a little shocked by the rental rates, it’s not expensive per se, judging by international standard. But coming from a place where public housings are aplenty (and I was in a position to enjoy them), it’s still a substantially higher amount to pay. Friends around me have been suggesting me to get my own place, but the voices inside told me to not move into that, my circumstances then also did not permit me to jump into the property market. Looking back now, I must say, I was lucky, the property prices have dropped by a fairly big percentage since the 2008 economic crisis, which is more than the total rentals I have paid in the pass 2 years or so. Coupled with the drop in interest rates (I would have been locked into a higher interest rate for years), my on paper savings could well be 2 to 3 times the amount I have paid in rentals.

The above is just one of the many examples of how listening to your inner voice and believing in yourself help. “Take that job, even if it’s just a contractual assignment”, “They are noises, just keep on following your own beliefs”, etc.

Just 2 nights ago, I was feeling a little frustrated with certain things, before I went to bed drained and tired that night, I kind of shouted internally “Will you guys talk to me?!”. I drifted into a deep sleep, woke up earlier than usual feeling energised, and while going through the usual internet surfing routine, I found an entry about communicating with your guides, specifically mentioning the method used by me is not the right way of communication, rather it’s the way that will quiet everything down, including the voices from the guides and angels. In that entry, a better way of communication was suggested, and that’s just the way I’m gonna use from now on. 🙂

Yes, my guides and angels, I know you guys are communicating with me, albeit subtly, but I can always feel your presence, and I know I’m receiving the messages, just not as loud and clear as I wanted them to be. I’ll continue to listen carefully to the messages, until a time when we can all sit down and chit chat at my will. Let’s work towards achieving that in the near future, before 2009 comes to an end.

My second Christmas in New Zealand

26 12 2007

The Christmas in New Zealand is another pleasant surprise for me. Being in the southern hemisphere, I realised that December is actually Summer (the Silly Season). So, instead of celebrating a white(or Winter) Christmas, the people here spend this most celebrated festive season with their family and friends over a barbecue, many go to the beaches on Christmas day morning, around the Pohutukawatrees, the New Zealand Christmas Tree. Going to the cemetery to pay respect to their loved ones who have passed on is also a tradition for some.

Many companies will “shutdown” over the 2 weeks between Christmas and the New Year. So, many people will go on leaves on the days besides the statutory holidays, and they will travell around the country. The Auckland CBD is basically a ghost town on Christmas day. This is also partly because Christmas day is one of the 3.5 days where all shops must be closed by law.

Christmas in New Zealand, Auckland particularly, is as commercialised as any other big cities. About 2 to 3 weeks before Christmas, it’s said $1 billion was spent every week. Although the traditional values of Christmas is very much alive here, for example the spirit of giving. Unfortunately, to many, it’s no more just about the thoughts, but it’s more about how expensive the present is. As it turn out, Christmas can be a stressful time for some.

Boxing day sale is the highlight on well, Boxing day, which is a statutory holiday. All the shops and businesses offer excellent discounts, personally I do no encourage consumerism, but for someone who is well planned, one is able to get some very good bargains on this day. It’s said some people actually shop for Christmas presents on Boxing day, of course, for the next Christmas. 🙂

Finally, my damage for this Christmas:

Christmas 2007

About the culture shock(or the lack of it)

15 12 2007

My first stop in Aotaeroa (the Maori name for New Zeland, meaning The Land Of The Long White Cloud), is Auckland, the City of Sails.

Being the biggest city in New Zealand, about one quarter of New Zealand’s population reside in Auckland. The culture here is rich and diversified. Besides the Maoris and the Europeans, there is also a large population of Asians here. Asians here came from various countries, mainly China, India, Taiwan, Korea, Japan, Hong Kong, the Philippines, Indonesia, Malaysia, Singapore and so on. Besides the Asians, there are also immigrants from the Middle East, US and African countries, not to forget the Pacific islanders from Fiji, Samoa, etc. So it’s indeed a melting pot.

There is no Chinatown here in Auckland, because one can easily find merchandise from Asia around the community, no matter which part of the city one lives in. Asians operate supermarkets that carry products from the various Asian countries, eg. Malaysia, Singapore, Thailand, China, etc. Groceries like Kaya spread, Chilli sauce, noodles, Super 3 in 1 coffee/tea, and even Durians, you name it, it’s available here. Besides the groceries, one can also easily find Asian restaurants in the various parts of Auckland, Hong Kong style BBQ, Dim Sum(Yum Cha), Chinese/Indian Restaurants, Malaysian/Singapore restaurants, Kebab, Si Chuan Restaurant, and so on. Taking a walk down the famous shopping belt here, the Queen Street, chances are one will see many Asians faces

The everyday life of the people here are very much influenced by the Maori’s culture, and they are easily spotted from the street names, everyday conversations (which include some Maori terms, eg. a Sweet Potato is called Kumara), the National Anthem is sung in 2 languages, English and the Maori language. The free to air TV channels include a Maori channel, a Chinese channel, an International channel, and 4 English channels.

So I did not actually feel the culture shock. In fact, I was pleasantly surprised by the richness and diversity of the culture.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year 2008.

About some numbers

8 12 2007

In this entry, I’ll write about some numbers that I encountered after I started living in New Zealand, I must emphasise that these numbers are true as of today, 8 Dec 2007. I’m sure they will change over time.

This entry is meant to highlight some of my own observations in the system here, in comparison to a system I have experienced before. Not to complain about anything.

The personal income tax:

up to $38,000 – 20.8 cents
$38,001 to $60,000 inclusive – 34.3 cents
$60,001 and over – 40.3 cents
*I excluded details like ACC earner’s levy, which makes little sense to readers.

Hmm… it seems to diminish the motivation to negotiate for a pay increment if one is already earning more than 60K, because for every 10K one gets, only about 6K can be brought home.

Well, I’m not sure it is fair to say this, but it does sound very much like a welfare state to me.

Kiwi Saver, something similar to CPF, but it’s optional, and the money contributed is invested.

– 4% or 8% of employees income, employer contribution is 1%, phased in 1% yearly from 2008 till it’s 4%. Tax breaks are given to both individual and employers to encourage participation. Response is quite good.

There are other details which I did not find out, because the % sounds a bit pathetic to me. Besides that, there is also things like Super Annuation which I also did not find out.

Numbers related to banking:

Savings account: 8%

Term Investment/Deposit (something like FD): 8.5% to 8.75% for 6 months

All interest earned are subjected to personal income tax based on a system shown above. For example, if one is already earning more than 60K a year, all the interest earned from the savings will be subjected to a 39% income tax.

The GST is 12.5%

Health care (I must say I don’t really have all the details, I think the following are what I know):

  1. GP visits, subsidised rate of about $35 for the consultation, prescription is $15 each (some capping apply, don’t know the details). Interestingly there are no things like government operated Polyclinics (which provide significantly cheaper services), but all GPs are part of the system. 
  2. Hospital care is usually free.
  3. If a lab test is ordered by the GP (eg. a blood test), it’s also free
  4. Expenses related to having babies in the hospital – Free (As far as I know)
  5. Senior citizen care – I think it’s cheaper than 1 above, I’m not too sure.


For a “young” bachelor like me, the whole system does not benefit me a lot, because I do not expect a baby soon, do not see a doctor very often, no family to support (as far as the tax man is concerned), and if my income is a little on the high side, I’m worst off due to the high income tax rates. No wonder so many people are crossing the Tasman Sea.

About that move to New Zealand some one year ago

5 12 2007

When I started telling the people I’m coming to New Zealand, they will usually ask 2 questions:

1) Why leave?

I found my life was pretty much dominated by work. Long hours with no personal time (including non office hours and weekends). Although I was holding the best job I have ever had in all my working life, working in a MNC, and getting an average of 13% annual increment when the national average is just 4%. In fact I was on the verge of giving up on my industry and was seriously contemplating a career switch. But IT has always been the area of interest for me, because it’s dynamic and challenging to me. So I decided to give the industry another chance, but in another country with a different culture. Since, I believe hectic life of the industry is very much a problem with the mindset of the employers and the culture of the society.

2) Why New Zealand?

Frankly, I don’t know. I did not do much researches as everyone else will usually do when they are talking about a migration. Simply because I’m just moving here all by myself, and I reckoned, I’ll can always fall back to where I came from, so there’s really nothing to lose. Of course if money was my priority, US would be the best place to go, but I thought it’s too far, similarly with places in the Europe. Asian countries are definitely out if I want to experience a different culture. So I’m left with Australasia. New Zealand naturally came to my mind, since I know of a friend who migrated here with his family, I know many people would prefer Australia, but I am not into following the crowd. Finally, my heart told me to choose NZ, so here I am. 8)

The chain of events that happened seems to tell me that I have made the right choice. From knowing someone through a friend which ultimately led me to finding my first accomodation here, to finding my first job(contract basis) within 5 weeks of arriving here, to being converted to a perm just as I was told by the immigration that my adventure might end if I do not get myself a permanent job.

So, did I get what I was asking for? I would say, yes. The culture here is indeed quite different from what I had experienced previously. 40 hours work week is a norm. Everyone is entitled to 4 weeks of annual leave by law. We are respected more as professionals, like, being asked to give estimates of time required to get the job done, instead of being told how much time we’re given. But that comes with a price, due to the much higher tax rate, even when I’m earning almost the same salary, I’m effectively taking a pay cut. But hey, since money is not really a consideration in the first place, I reckoned, as long as I’m making enough to cover my expenses here, send some back to my family and have some savings, I’m good. So, I never bothered to try looking for another job with higher pay, at least not in the near future.