Becoming the toddler who roams freely without fear again

4 03 2009

The past weeks have been eventful. Resuming my spiritual journey has brought about numerous events that trigger the various reactions in me, and brought me forward in my personal growth.

A friend(in fact 2) commented that I am somebody who uses my logic and brain too much, and I don’t feel enough. One of them recommended me the book, Living in The Heart, by Drunvalo Melchizedek. I read it, and found that it makes a lot of sense, the heart is where our “home” is.

For a long time, I have been trying to connect with my high self and guides, without any “direct” results. Although I do sense their presence, and the communications in terms of synchronicities and messages from all around, I’m not really able to have any “direct” communications with them. After reading the book and being bombarded by the “feel” more comments continuously, I think I became a little to eager to change things, and the lack of results resulted in some frustration in me.

My understanding of what Drunvalo has said, if we want to connect with our higher self, we need to first get in touch and connect with our “lower self”, which is the subconscious mind, and this lower self happens to be of the age of around 4 years old. So, we need to become child like in order to connect with our lower self. Once the lower self agrees, we’ll be able to connect with the higher self.

In my eagerness to switch to a more feelings based person, I found a struggle in me, because I’m someone who for some reason likes to do a lot of researches and read on “theories”, which I can feel irks some of my friends, who are more “feelings” based and can’t appreciate the theories. Haha… so one of them commented that I’m an introverted thinker, which prompted me to research more on my personality…well what else but research, it’s me. I found that I’m a INTJ. I do have my intuitions, and I’m indeed an introvert who thinks a lot, and based my judgements on facts backed by theories, and I enjoy doing researches and theories heaps. So, there’s no point trying to change things too much, especially it’s something I enjoy doing a lot. I just need to learn to balance things out.

This morning, finally I hear the voice which tells me, “My child, it’s perfectly alright to be a thinker, an introvert, or whatever you are now, this is what you have chosen to do in this life, you are as good as you can be at this moment. Just remember that you can always “come home”, to the heart, and you can do that at your will, whenever you want to. This is a place where you come in to rest, contemplate, chill out and just do what you like to do, to feel the unconditional love I have for you and to recharge”.

I finally feel I’m the toddler who is able to roam freely and know that there’s always a “home” and a loving Mother that I can go back to when I’m tired or afraid. Thank you! And thanks to the friends, who have nudged me in this direction.

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Listening to and believing in your innerself

30 01 2009

Being alone, in a foreign land and living alone in the city, I have plenty of solo time. Most of the time stopping the inner chatters is a challenge, because all I have to talk to is myself.

Having been here for 2 years and looking back, I realised that I have followed my intuition/inner voices many times and that proved to be a pretty effective way of living our lives.

Self discovery is one of the main motivations for me to move away and live by myself, for the past 2 years, I have been trying on and off to have very clear communications with my guides and higher self, but I tend to think that they do not communicate with me in the way I wanted them to, maybe I have not grasped the right way of communicating with them. But looking back, I’m sure they have their ways of making sure the messages come through.

When I first arrived in this city, I was a little shocked by the rental rates, it’s not expensive per se, judging by international standard. But coming from a place where public housings are aplenty (and I was in a position to enjoy them), it’s still a substantially higher amount to pay. Friends around me have been suggesting me to get my own place, but the voices inside told me to not move into that, my circumstances then also did not permit me to jump into the property market. Looking back now, I must say, I was lucky, the property prices have dropped by a fairly big percentage since the 2008 economic crisis, which is more than the total rentals I have paid in the pass 2 years or so. Coupled with the drop in interest rates (I would have been locked into a higher interest rate for years), my on paper savings could well be 2 to 3 times the amount I have paid in rentals.

The above is just one of the many examples of how listening to your inner voice and believing in yourself help. “Take that job, even if it’s just a contractual assignment”, “They are noises, just keep on following your own beliefs”, etc.

Just 2 nights ago, I was feeling a little frustrated with certain things, before I went to bed drained and tired that night, I kind of shouted internally “Will you guys talk to me?!”. I drifted into a deep sleep, woke up earlier than usual feeling energised, and while going through the usual internet surfing routine, I found an entry about communicating with your guides, specifically mentioning the method used by me is not the right way of communication, rather it’s the way that will quiet everything down, including the voices from the guides and angels. In that entry, a better way of communication was suggested, and that’s just the way I’m gonna use from now on. 🙂

Yes, my guides and angels, I know you guys are communicating with me, albeit subtly, but I can always feel your presence, and I know I’m receiving the messages, just not as loud and clear as I wanted them to be. I’ll continue to listen carefully to the messages, until a time when we can all sit down and chit chat at my will. Let’s work towards achieving that in the near future, before 2009 comes to an end.